Poltergeist

Poltergeist

Rating: 1.25/5

Premise:

Remake of the 1982 movie, in which a family moves to a new house they later find out is haunted, and try to bring back their youngest child, who has been held captive by the evil forces.

Review:

Believe it or not, I had no idea this was a remake when I went to watch the movie. That’s what I get for skimming blurbs. Even though I am fairly certain that it was not mentioned in the one I read.

Anyway. The movie started out well. Your typical american family is arriving in their car, each with their own quirks. A normal, average family, arriving to a neighbour which reminded me a bit of the one in Edward Scissorhands.

Everything was great at first. I thought those guys could act, the kids were lovely – the two youngest especially cute. The filming was great too. The close-ups, the creeping around…
Then for some reason it all turned to, well, crap. It’s like the movie was majorly edited, I cannot think of a better way to explain it. It never flowed at all. Bits and chunks here and there which didn’t make much sense.

For instance, in the original movie, I remember it took me ages to even find out the houses were built on an old graveyard. Here, well before anything truly weird happens, the parents are already finding that out.

The paranormal department people were laughable. Not a single one stood out. There was an especially terrifying scene with one of them, who had been invisible up to that point and resumed said invisibility afterwards, as if nothing had happened. Not shaken up in the least. Get what I meant about the editing? It’s like a bad collage which misses every single possible transition that could convey some sense into what people are watching.

Then they get the psychic who was, again, laughable. The fact that the head of the paranormal department had been married to the him was just plain ridiculous and there was not the tiniest bit of the magic present in the original movie. Queue the insane amount of clichés, especially from the father and the psychic, and you have a movie that will only waste your time.

One of the main issues for me was that there was no real build up. There were a few suspense scenes with the middle child creeping up behind doors and such, peaking in, in an excruciatingly slow manner (that’s horror movies for ya), but that’s about it. The kid goes missing through the closet just like the previous version and then… Not much. It’s like the parents automatically adjust to this new reality.

There is no real grief. A lot of screaming, yes, but I failed to notice true despair. There was none of that slow decline of each family member, present in the original version. No actual spine chilling fear about what is happening to them, and where the little one could be, and if they could actually get her back. It was sort of like a play based on the true story. No emotion.

The movie started out with such potential but it all went downhill shortly after. It’s almost a parody of the 1982 film, but not really?… I don’t know what it’s trying to be. A show of special effects? Maybe. The extra points are merely for those first few scenes in which I did enjoy myself.

Even after all these years, trust me, the 1982 version is miles better.

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